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Red Sparrow
I do my best crying in the shower. Anyone else? Like, the real gnarly ugly cry, snot dripping out of my nose, blurred vision and deep (but silent, because I don’t want anyone to know i’m crying) groan cries.
Often, when I pull back the layers of what i’m actually crying about, it almost always comes right down to fear.
I’m afraid.
I’m afraid that I missed my time, i’m afraid of sickness, i’m afraid my kids won’t live for Jesus, i’m afraid of lack, i’m afraid of rejection, and i’m afraid of my world getting rocked. To name a few…
A few months ago I had really vivid dream of seeing a little red sparrow swoop down into the foundation of this tall strong brick building. There was an opening in the foundation where he nestled in, and found protection and food. I woke up knowing that God was reminding me that He is my foundation and in Him, I have all that I need.
So why am I still afraid?
Back to crying in the shower. Today was a cry day; I could feel it before I even turned the water on. I was feeling afraid today - fears taunting me and playing in the background of my mind. The tears started welling up and almost immediately and out of nowhere, a song popped in my head that I hadn’t heard since I was a teenager. I completely forgot about this song and the artist. So I KNOW it was Dad showing up in a moment where I needed rest and reprieve from fear.
“Psalm 91” by Lincoln Brewster. I was 14 years old when I heard this song and it became my anthem. I’d listen to it every single day - because at 14, I was already very familiar with fear.
There must have been a reason God put this song and this bible chapter in my heart, 24 years later. I believe it is the remedy for the sickness of fear. It is the blueprint and the answer to overcoming it.
Psalm 91 - I beg you to go read this chapter today.
“Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty”
A shelter is a place giving temporary protection from bad weather or danger.” He told me that bad weather and danger is temporary.
Right now as I type, I get the picture of a father shielding his child from a hail storm, using his body as a cover to protect them from getting hit. That closeness allows for the child to hear his father tell him in his ear “its ok, its going to be ok. It’s almost over. Just stay right here and i’ll keep you safe”. In that place of shelter, the child gets to live and rest in the protection of their dad.
If the child is unsheltered and left open to the elements, he will get pelted, torn and bruised by the hail. He lives open to the terrors by night and arrows that fly by day.
We get to choose where to live. And Dad invites us to curl up in his arms, as he uses his body to shield us from temporary dangers and attacks of life.
And he gives you this promise further down in verse nine. “If you make the LORD your refuge, if you make the Most High your shelter, no evil will conquer you; no plague will come near your home. For he will order his angels to protect you wherever you go. They will hold you up with their hands so you won’t even hurt your foot on a stone.
Verse 14: The Lord says, I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name. When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue and honor them. I will reward them with a long life and give them my salvation”.
I’m not saying there won’t be times we don’t FEEL afraid, but I believe this chapter is the answer on how we can stop LIVING in a state of constant fear - open to the elements and the terrors of life.
He invites us to take shelter where we can hear him whisper to our hearts: it’s ok, its going to be ok. It’s almost over. Just stay right here and i’ll keep you safe”.
And now excuse me, while I go weep again for the second time today.
Live well friends.
xo,
Jess
FEARLESS
Crazy times we are living in, huh fam?! It is a little unnerving when so much is going on and we feel like we have little to no control. I’m there with you and totally understand. One thing I have adopted; kind of like a shield, is that in the face of storms, I will be fearless. That sounds crazy right? Like, you’re staring calamity and uncertainty right in the face and you say you are fearless?! Well, being FEARLESS doesn’t mean that you don’t feel fear. It doesn’t mean you are unconcerned or ignorant. To me, it means you put your fear and the validity of your emotions in someone who is able to absorb and do something about it. Jesus.
I’m comforted in knowing that even when He stared his fate in eye and the cross was before Him – he felt deep anxiety! He was after all, human too. Yet still, He chose to put his faith in God and say “not my will but Yours”. So if you are feeling scared, worried, panicked – its ok! Take a deep breath and whisper silent prayers and trust that he is giving you everything you need for TODAY. Don’t think about tomorrow, today is just enough for you to manage. These next 24 hours is all you need to think about. Breathe in, breathe out.
Like most parts of the world – you are probably having to stay home and your kids are off school. What a wonderful opportunity for us parents to teach our children how to respond to stress and scary world events. They are watching how we react and respond. What we do today will teach them how to deal with big scary things in their lives too. Let’s choose to remain fearless. Let’s show them this week while we are all self-quarantined that though this is an unprecedented time in the world, the family unit cannot be shaken. I encourage you fam – they don’t need to know ALL the details (if they are tiny) but use wisdom in how you communicate what is going on. More than that, let’s use this time to strengthen our core. Make delicious meals together, laugh, hug a lot, let them see you pray, play board games, make art, binge watch some TV, read books, go for walks, jump in some puddles and take these next couple of weeks to be fully present. They will remember March of 2020 years from now as the best time with family. They will also know how to respond to the chaos around them too.
I’m reminded to a different but similar time, years ago. December 31st, 1999. Oh God, remember Y2K yall!? Everyone was freaking out and in a panic. Very similar to today, grocery stores were out of food, you couldn’t find any flashlights anywhere, and there was a sense of dread roaming the streets. That was 21 years ago and I was only 12. I was old enough to feel the fear everyone was talking about was but too small to be able to do anything about it. The fears of the unknown was unsettling. Yall, I even remember my French teacher wishing us her final farewell for Christmas break incase we didn’t make it through the Y2K blackout! Nuts right?!
I’ll never forget my parents demeanor through it all and how they fielded the questions we had. “We trust God”, and that was enough to bring me back to peace. That was all I needed. To see my parents respond in faith and to know God has got us. And so, today as Jon and I field questions with our own little children, we get to tell them “We trust God.”
If you need an extra layer of peace, read 2 Timothy 1:7 on repeat. “For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind.” And then go ahead and quote this one too while you’re at it! John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid”.
Fam, it is all going to be ok. And to quote my parents who have and continue to build my faith even at 33 years old… “we trust God.”
*Note to add: If you are looking for a great church in the North Dallas area, we are open at Fearless House in downtown Mckinney. Follow on Facebook and IG at @fearlesshouse*